dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
