i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
My penis needs a shock collar
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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