I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
