I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
