Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
