Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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