i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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