You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
