Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
