You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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