I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
