ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
