a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
