But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
