I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
