SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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