like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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