Don't make out with my wife yet
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
