I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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