he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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