we have officially lost it.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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