Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
