you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
