Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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