That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm too high and old for this...
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
