is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize