all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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