6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Randomize