I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
