Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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