its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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