me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
