you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
