the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
i believe in u and ur pee
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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