I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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