my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
