Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
A bitchslap is in order.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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