im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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