Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
only if we run a train.
done.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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