I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
You can't motorboat a personality
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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