4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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