It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Randomize
