okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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