then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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