I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
