Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
