He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I need a hoe opinion
go on
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
