Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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