I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
