i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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