Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
