i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
