we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
