He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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