We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
