Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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