dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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