Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
