i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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