I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
