Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
