Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Small penises have feelings too.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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