I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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