we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
