I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
