Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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