this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
