So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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