I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
