She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize