Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
