so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
