I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
