Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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