i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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