what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
