she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
