I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
