Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
