My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize