I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
