it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
