I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
