ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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