Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
