i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
