i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
