In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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