forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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