Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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