o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
