Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
So much Jack, so little girl.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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