Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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