lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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