I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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