He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
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