Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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