Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
you made out with another girl for some wings
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize