woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
