i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize