yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
