this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
