an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
