I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
