He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
