If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
