I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
