apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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