I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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